Run 28: Creaky Knees and Sad Spirits

Miles: 9

Other runners: no

So it turns out, not at all surprisingly, that the same smart phones that inform a runner of the weather, wind speed, route elevation (always exciting in Chicago), and pace can also bear really bad news at spectacularly bad times. It was a beautiful day yesterday, and after 4 hours of sending out carefully-researched, massively boring research- and job-related emails (with no response, which is the worst), I was ready. I grabbed my shoes and  my keys, turned on the phone to record my run, and somehow just couldn’t resist the unsatisfying lure of my inbox. As I stood at the top of the stairs to our front door, I learned that the fellowship application I had spent weeks preparing, and that I’ve been depending on for the next eight or so months of fieldwork (which is really just a fancy word for “rent and groceries”) was reviewed and denied. As the sun lit up the hallway through the muted reds and greens of stained glass, I stood foolishly in running tights and a jacket, unsure of what to do next.

I ran, but it wasn’t great. Exactly 3.68 miles in at an 8:56  pace, thanks a lot, “Map My Run,” I stopped at a corner and was very still. My right big toe hurt, the back of my left knee hurt, and as a mother with a stroller walked by and landscaping trucks pulled in and out of the alleyway, I started to cry. I cry a lot, as everyone already knows, but never during a run. First of all, it’s nearly impossible. Secondly, I love running! It’s where I feel safest, where my thoughts are lost. I cried as I stood at the corner, and then I cried on and off for the next five and a half miles. That’s a perk of being in a big city, I suppose: no one notices you, and if they do, you’re completely anonymous. You’re the completely anonymous runner-crier. Story of my life.

I met with a professor in the afternoon, and then in the evening my husband took me our for some Oaxacan food. My legs still ache and my heart hurts a little, but that food was delicious. And the sun beautiful.